Some of you know I’m not just a meat guy, but a music guy too. So today I’m cross-pollinating two of my favorite topics and listing five great albums or songs with meat-related titles. My criteria for inclusion on this list included the name of the song or album, the relative excellence of the performer and performance, and my general mood right now.

I’ll even do a reverse countdown, Casey Kasem style, too.

Number 5: “Hot Dog” (song) – Led Zeppelin

Yes, I’m aware that In Through the Out Door isn’t exactly the best of the bunch that Zep released, in fact it’s not even great stoner rock anymore, but with a song like Hot Dog, what am I supposed to do? Remember your physics class and Einstein’s Theory of Relativity: Awesome = a Led Zeppelin song to the power of a meat-related name.

Number 4: “War Pigs” (song) – Black Sabbath

It’s Sabbath, man. You might make the argument a war pig isn’t the same as a regular pig, but I’m betting if you best one in battle it’ll still give up a tasty slab of bacon and some ribs to share with your army. Plus, the massive stoner appeal makes up for what’s missing from “Hot Dog.”

Number 3: Meaty Beaty Big and Bouncy (album) -  The Who

Normally I’d never list a “best of” album anywhere (except in a “lamest way to buy music” list), but even if the name weren’t one of the greatest album names ever, I’d still be happy to have this on my list just for “Pictures of Lily” (not a meat) and “Boris the Spider” (which could be considered a meat). If you have no Who, you need to purchase this: every song is excellent. But you really ought to consider buying the individual albums, because they’re all great.

Number 2: Pet Sounds (album) – The Beach Boys

Let the whining begin that we shouldn’t eat our pets. But meat is meat, people, and anyway the album cover has a photo of the boys feeding (or fattening up) a bunch of farm animals. Plus, it’s one of the greatest albums ever recorded (that’s right – with none of that “Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you” crap), so there you go.

I prefer the original mono mixes, but you young kids might prefer the stereo remixes, which were done by Mark Linnet and overseen by Brian Wilson. They are the only acceptable stereo-ize-ations of original mono music I’ve yet found (actually, they’re fantastic), and you can effectively steal the MP3 album of the stereo versions (minus “Hang On To Your Ego,” which is a drag because that song is great) for only $5.99 at amazon.com.

And coming in at number 1: “You’re My Meat” (song)

This was written by Louis Jourdan and covered by many, though the best cover of all was by Joe Jackson on his 1982 Jumpin Jive album. This one is so sweet, it deserves all the lyrics printed here and now:

The great Louis Jordan

Outside in and inside out you’re my meat
Fat and forty but lordy you’re my meat
From your feet to your head you knock me dead, you’re my meat
I got you covered but baby, you’re my meat

In the days of old when knights were bold
They were pious and modest I’m told
Can’t you see that couldn’t be me
I’d have to talk about your yams and your big fat hams

It excites me so because I know you’re my meat
Fat and forty but lordy you’re my meat

In the days of old when knights were bold
They were pious and modest I’m told
Can’t you see that couldn’t be me
I’d have to talk about your yams and your big fat hams
It excites me so because I know you’re my meat
Fat and forty but lordy you’re my meat

Fat and forty but lordy lordy . . . you’re my meat

Yes, I may have missed some (these were actually off the top of my head), but everything on my list is killer. So unless you’ve got something better, grab ‘em, play ‘em and chow some steaks.